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Shakespeare's Critique of Religious Hypocrisy in The Merchant of Venice

This analytical essay examines the characters of Antonio and Shylock. The student argues that the religious chauvinism of each man means they are more alike than either would be willing to admit.
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2
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652
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

character analysis
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"You are off to a good start! I have a few recommendations as you move forward. My first is to encourage you to use your conclusions (e.g., as expressed in the last paragraph) to make a statement about what Shakespeare might be "saying" or conveying in crafting these portraits.

A second comment is that I notice your quotations are currently placed on their own; instead, incorporate them into the text using signal phrases or other signposting (as you do on page 2). Doing this embeds them into the discussion itself and shows your control over the material. Including citations (check your style guide for specifics on plays and Shakespeare) will further help the reader understand how the evidence operates in your argumentation and as part of your analytical project. Reconsidering how best to position the quotations (they all currently appear at the start of a paragraph) may help with this and also create more dynamism and logic.

While reading, I noticed a number of diction choices impacting clarity. In addition to a careful proofread, review your writing for precision and clarity. For example, your second sentence combines a description of the characters' opinions within the play while also making a point about the nature of those opinions from an analytical angle ("very stereotypical"); to make these two separate points, I recommend using two sentences or two independent clauses."

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