A Discussion on How the iPod Touch Changed the Movement of Technology
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"You have neatly formatted your essay making it easier to read. You have also done a great job providing a significant amount of evidence supporting your points. Based on the way that you have arranged your information and evidence, it is unclear what the goal of your essay is. You ended the introduction with a clear thesis statement but the body of your essay does not follow the topics that you said you were going to discuss. You have talked about the creation of the iPod in great detail, but according to your thesis statement this is not the goal of the essay. You should reduce how much you talk about the actual iPod and talk more about the impact that the iPod has had on people. There are a number of grammar and punctuation errors that need to be resolved. Also, since you do have so many facts presented in your essay, it does not seem like you have enough citations. It is important that any time you present information that you found in another source that you properly cite it to avoid plagiarism issues. "
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