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Not all pain is physical emotional pain can be just as overwhelming On August 16 2012 I found out I was pregnant five days before my eighteenth birthday I was terribly shocked Gordimer 1972 p583 and thinking my future was gone if I kept this baby Two days later I found myself at an abortion clinic in Orlando When I first got there protestors stood outside the building holding signs saying pro-life your mother didnt kill you and thats not your baby its Gods I was by myself and scared I rushed into the clinic where a room of thirty plus girls and woman sat in a cramped waiting area No one made eye contact with each other and no one spoke All I could think was everyone knows Gordimer 1972 p583 why I am here I sat there for three hours alone watching woman get called into the back one by one I heard my name and panicked when the nurse finally took my pulse it was one hundred and seventy They also did an ultrasound to see how far along I was and I was nine weeks I looked at the screen and that little peanut shaped thing on the ultrasound screen was a baby a baby that had a heartbeat a baby that would call me mommy a baby that I already loved I left that clinic with my baby still inside me I sometimes look at the ultrasound picture from the abortion clinic and think of that horrifying place and sometimes cry knowing I planned on killing my now beautiful healthy and smart daughter Cecilia The emotional pain I still feel sitting in that room with those other girls and woman knowing thirty plus babies were being murdered in the room next to me Today I still have dreams about those protestors woman and babies What if I went through with the operation and I didnt have her today Where
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