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The Supreme Commander and the Emperor: How MacArthur and Hirohito Rebuilt Japan

In this history essay, the student examines the unique relationship between America and Japan following World War II as particularly embodied by General Douglas MacArthur and Emperor Hirohito.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

emperor hirohito
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This essay has many strengths, including clear control over the historical narrative, a good eye for details that enhance the storytelling, and a dynamic writing style that keeps the reader engaged with the discussion. The organization and structure, with focused paragraphs and an overall cohesiveness, guide the reader.

There is one rhetorical choice, however, that I find puzzling, even to the point of making me question the project, purpose, and stance of the essay: occasional moments of levity that read as dismissive or sarcastic. On one hand, these moments actually assert your control over the information by showing you understand the complexities of the topic to provide this kind of commentary; on the other hand, the subject matter combined with the tone ends up, I'd argue, backfiring. Your aside "don't ask why," for example, makes the reader wonder if you really don't know; even a reader who accepts the tone may push back and want to know why. Assuming "(and just plain strange)" refers to both MacArthur and Hirohito, para. 2 is somewhat confusing because the body of the paragraph only specifies Hirohito, which makes the parenthetical read like a racist joke about inscrutability. What, then, is the rhetorical goal of these asides? Surely it is not to be flippant or racist--unless you are targeting a very narrow audience indeed. I recommend taking these moments and probing the various ways your audience might react--revise from there. What does "ain't irony fantastic" as a parenthetical do that "..., ironically by means of..." doesn't do just as well? How you envision the ethos of the paper and your role as the rhetor will determine how you answer this."

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