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A Long Lasting Peace in The City of God by St Augustine

This essay discusses St. Augustine's work, The City of God. The student discusses the idea that Rome's downfall was due to Christian influences. The student then goes on to examine human motivations and how they drive society.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bob's feedback:

"There are a lot of confusing ideas in the introductory paragraph. You make it clear that some people feel that Christianity was responsible for the fall of Rome, but the ensuing discussion is unclear. For example, you claim that everything that happened to Rome was God's will. Is this part of the idea that Augustine is arguing against or is this part of your (or Augustine's) explanation of why these events aren't the fault of the Church, but are the designs of a higher power?

Statements like "Christianity is not dangerous for anyone" certainly need some support, especially since this seems to be a foundation for some of your arguments. The idea is presented almost as an axiom, but it does not stand on its own and needs to be developed. Several other ideas are flatly stated like this. If you are attributing them to Augustine, you don't necessarily need to support them further as you are simply reporting his thoughts. But if you are building arguments on these ideas, you'll need to convince your reader of their voracity.

Your conclusion seems to veer far off topic. While your introduction suggests you will be discussing the role of Christianity in the fall of Rome, your conclusion deals exclusively with modern values. Make sure to reniforce your main idea introduced in your first paragraph.

Be sure to proofread thoroughly to address awkward sentences and scattered errors."

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