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Word Count: 1,316
Today in this great country of ours there is an animal that stalks the face of our land An animal thatll stop at very little to obtain its nightly goal Some women have unjustly classified this animal a Land Shark along with an assortment of other colorful names Little do the women of this country realize that these animals have banned together to form a national coalition I along with most males above the age of consent am a proud and very active member Our covert organization is called American Male Pigs Our slogan to all other males and future males is Get AMPed Our purpose is to educate the present and future male populations so that they might be better able to distinguish between the different types of females and notify all other members of their findings Everyone is unique However most women can be herded into three basic groups Those groups are Those who do Those who dont and those who do that you wont do The last group and by far the least important are those who would do Anything with Anyone that you wont do These women arent usually very attractive They are more often than not quite heavy They are NOT desirable These are the women who after youve been drinking heavily all night at 200 AM still dont look good You can see them lined up at the exit to every bar looking quite sad lonely and pathetic at closing time hoping and praying to get lucky Unfortunately this hefty flock is usually good in bed Logic of course would dictate that they would have to be or else they know they would NEVER get anything otherwise The other type of third class women that arent usually identified until its too late are the FATAL ATTRACTION type Theyll do
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