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It was July 2011 I was 25 years old and I was lying on the floor of my bathroom hoping that my heart would just give out I did not want to continue the horrible cycle of restricting purging binging and over-exercise but I saw no way out I was at the end of my Masters degree in Counseling and was one week from beginning to see my own patients I knew that I was not in a place mentally or physically to begin attempting to help others So a few days later I made the scariest decision of my life and told my therapist at the time my family and my professors that I thought I had some food issues Despite being diagnosed with an eating disorder many years earlier I never truly believed I had an eating disorder Everyone around me thought it was a silly phase that would subside or that I was just a little obsessive about food but no one wanted to believe that I could have a serious mental illness My therapist referred me to Renfrew for an initial assessment I assumed that they would take one look at me and laugh me out of the building Not only did they not laugh at me but instead they showed me compassion and gave me several treatment options Throughout my time at Renfrew I was able to get the support I needed to begin countering my eating disorder voice and began to be able to find my own voice I spent from August to December in treatment and continued with an outpatient group a therapist and a dietician after leaving Renfrew I will always have a special place in my heart for my treatment team at Renfrew because they loved me when I did not believe I was loveable and helped me fight for my life when I did not believe I was worth saving I wish that I
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