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Word Count: 260
This story had a lot of good ideas but I couldnt really follow what was going on I thought that the narrative paragraphs made complete sense Then I would get to the dialogue and be scratching my head I think the dialogue is where you lost me Your character has a good strong voice I can feel her emotions Also your descriptions of people and the coffee shop were really good I knew exactly what it looked like or what the person looked like I didnt feel like the story had good movement it didnt seem to flow very well That was the only thing that I think was really wrong with the story It seemed like you were jumping back and forth between different fragments of this girls life And I could really follow the general ideas I realized that you were saying something about the concept of life and how different people were but I guess I didnt really understand what you wanted me to understand One thing that may help the story just look better is the font It really confused me I think it made me cross-eyed But that just could have been me I really loved the girls character She was hilarious I just got lost when she started talking Maybe if you just shaped up the dialogue a bit it would be a masterpiece I couldnt figure out the general motive of the story or really the plot However I could have just totally missed the entire point The story was really funny though
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