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Word Count: 3,479
Welcome to Hell Please let us enslave you Well give you a free t-shirt if you fill out this credit card application You can drive home in this brand new car with no payments until 2000 Its so much easier to not worry about these details Well take care of them for you All we ask is that you send in your payment every month like a good slave No no dont read books Libraries are closing more and more everyday anyway because theyre obsolete now superseded by television That concept we taught you in grade school called literacy was just a lie just like everything else we crammed down your throat We just want to make life easy for you Well even give you pretty pictures and animation to protect you from that mean computer Just you dont worry about that Well manage all the details for you for the low low price of 9995 The less you know the better off we are Job security Think were stupid We are but we can bullshit our way onto your desktop because youre even stupider than we are The truth is you never knew you had a choice You probably wouldnt even know there was such a thing as software without which the computer cant operate if it hadnt been for our constant reminders that you can upgrade the crap we sold you for the low low price of 7995 But its worth it because you get a 30 increase in performance That will actually impress you because were competing with ourselves here Its actually not that hard After a late night and a hang over we quickly code this crap and hire graphics professionals to candy coat it Then we break anti-trust laws and cut every corner possible to shove it down your throat Once weve got you convinced that were the only people who make software then we just have
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