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Why Humans Should Rethink Their Perspective on the Study of Animal Minds

In this essay, the student profiles a series of animals (Rio the sea lion, Clever Hans, Binti-Jua the gorilla, and others) to explore concepts of conscious thinking and self-awareness. The student argues that humans must reevaluate their self-regard as the only animals capable of higher intelligence, opening new doors in science and ethics.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your interest in the topic makes this an engaging essay, and the use of sources (and clear in-text citations) ensures the reader experiences your approach, research, and ethos as they make their way through the essay. You can assert control over the literature even further by integrating the quotations more smoothly into your text with signal phrases and introductory clauses, which will guide the reader's understanding of the material's function as evidence to support the discussion and to demonstrate your research.

The reader will appreciate the signposting used consistently across the paragraphs, and the section headings are clear and relevant. Some of the signposting is a bit flatfooted, so consider a bit more revision work focusing on language. For example, consider this more efficient opening for the first subsection: "The reader must first become familiar with certain definitions before discussing the animals themselves." By changing up the order (and addressing a dangling modifier), you can trim out the comma and extra clause for a more straightforward sentence that keeps the discussion moving. Many of those sentences depend on the passive voice in this current draft, which adds another degree of separation; revise those roadmapping sentences to nudge the reader without disrupting the reading experience."

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