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An Overview of the Evolution of Man as Presented by the AMNH

This essay describes the student's visit to the American Museum of Natural History to see an exhibit on the evolution of man, including the skeleton of Lucy. The student describes how environment influenced evolution and technological developments.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

beginning of time
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bridget's feedback:

"This discussion is enhanced by the frame of being at the exhibit, blending field notes and informative writing. The museum component should be introduced earlier, and explicitly, when you give the roadmap and aims of the paper (last sentence of para. 1); otherwise, this statement of purpose elides a key component of the paper's approach, structure, and organization.

A second task will be in proofreading and revising for clarity and more efficient syntax. For example, the sentence "As the technology, as simple as it was..." (para. 1) is rather confusing due to an overly complex sentence structure and some errors; your discussion is interesting and valuable, so you want your reader not to be distracted by decoding tasks."

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