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Violence is the Answer Note This is a satire please do not take it seriously All contractions are intentional and are included to set the tone of the essay As Bob Taylor drove through the ghetto on his regular route home he looked to his left and saw two people with Japanese-looking symbols tattooed on their bodies beating the living daylight out of each other Bob chuckled at the sight and continued driving home When he got home he turned on the TV and watched the news Bob laughed hysterically when he heard the report on a lunatic spraying bullets at a school in Arkansas Bob took out the videotape he got from Block Buster and shoved it into his VCR Bob leaned back and smiled as he watched Tom Hanks pump lead into a German solider Everyday people see violence accept it and laugh at it violence is perfectly acceptable from guns the media and drunkards Guns are tools of mass destruction that every American should own Guns can reduce the population of overcrowded areas do away with unwanted trespassers and provide solutions for arguments Overcrowding has always been a problem good thing some genius invented the gun Guns are now the answer to overpopulation Dont want to wait in a long line Just plow right through everyone with your semi-automatic Thats exactly what the students in Littleton did They said to themselves This school is too crowded with jocks and other losers lets kill them all They did exactly that Just look at the results there are less jocks and geeks and there is more meat for the cafeteria Guns can also get rid of those suspicious trespassers If you see a silhouette of the mystery man just yell Get off of my property and fire away with your trusty 14mm shotgun And dont worry about the police they cant do anything about it It is your property not theirs
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