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Early Film Censorship by the Hayes Commission Stunted Filmmaking

This essay describes the actions of the Hays Commission, an early attempt at censoring movies to avoid offending the sensibilities of some viewers. The student denounces the commission and laments the lost filmmaking opportunities due to censorship.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"This is an intriguing topic about a period in cinema history that seems to be largely forgotten. Your use of specific examples helps to paint a vivid picture of the sensibilities that Hollywood had to navigate at this time.

While you make some intriguing points, this essay comes across as having a heavy bias. While expressing an opinion or taking a stance is important, your credibility will be called into question if you don't appear to be representing the facts fairly and objectively. Stating that what you're saying is true is unnecessary and can backfire, causing your reader to wonder why you feel the need to defend your integrity from the start.

Your essay often takes on a sarcastic tone -- especially the parenthetical "surprise, surprise." This will likely further undermine your credibility.

Work on presenting your arguments as objectively as possible. Be sure to proofread as there are frequent errors (e.g., "by there product")."

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