The Dangers of Steroid Use and Blood Doping in Athletics

This essay warns against the use of steroids by athletes, including anabolic steroids, with a focus on adverse effects on the body. The student also discusses blood doping and Olympic bans.

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Bridget's feedback:

"Your essay shows good control over the paragraph organization and structures, and your writing is mechanically sound; with a thorough proofread, you should be able to catch and resolve existing technical issues (occasional punctuation errors, for example).

Clarity is an issue across the essay at a few levels, so I recommend focusing your next steps there. First, what type of steroid is to be the focus of the essay (all types of steroids?) and within each paragraph as the discussion develops is not always immediately clear. At some points while reading, I wondered if the essay topic is actually performance enhancement in sports. Think over your intentions, plans, and the prompt. Once settled on, this issue can be resolved with more explicit signposting and more control over the organization as a tool for guiding the reader's understanding of the big picture.

In para. 1, make sure to provide a citation for your quote and signal phrasing or similar to help integrate the quote. Again, and as discussed above, providing context as part of the signal or introductory phrasing as you move into the quote will help reader comprehension. A works cited or consulted (depending on your style guide and assignment) will help establish credibility and clarify for the reader your work with the literature (ethos). In doing this, you can start introducing the sources into the essay as citations; for example, back up the claims about the dangers of steroids, as in the final sentence, which makes a fairly extreme point ("kill them"); ditto sentence two of para. 1 ("can do things most people consider physically impossible")."

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In-text citation:

(Kibin, 2024)

Reference list entry:

Kibin. (2024). The dangers of steroid use and blood doping in athletics. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-dangers-of-steroid-use-and-blood-doping-in-athletics-EsqdUrnW

Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.

In-text citation:

("The Dangers of Steroid Use and Blood Doping in Athletics.")

Works Cited entry:

"The Dangers of Steroid Use and Blood Doping in Athletics." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-dangers-of-steroid-use-and-blood-doping-in-athletics-EsqdUrnW

Footnote:

1. "The Dangers of Steroid Use and Blood Doping in Athletics." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-dangers-of-steroid-use-and-blood-doping-in-athletics-EsqdUrnW.

Bibliography entry:

"The Dangers of Steroid Use and Blood Doping in Athletics." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-dangers-of-steroid-use-and-blood-doping-in-athletics-EsqdUrnW.