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Gulf War Syndrome: A Side Effect of Media Hysteria

This argumentative paper takes the position that Gulf War Syndrome is merely normal disease prevalence across the population of veterans and their families.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

iraq and kuwait
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bridget's feedback:

"This essay expresses clear investment in the discussion, and your compilation of details brings interest to the narrative. I question, however, how robust an argumentative paper's ethos can be when the research, per the references, entirely relies on a single author's body of work. Addressing this presents a few paths forward, based on your aims and prompt: to revise the opening paragraphs so the position and bias is clear from the start (that is, eliminate the "twist" of "...is nothing more than hearsay") or revise the paper so the various elements maintain a greater degree of objectivity. This latter suggestion does not mean the position should change; rather, determine your rhetorical situation and pitch revision and further changes exactly toward that. If your conclusion is persuasive would normally rest on comparing proportions across the populations; on the other hand, you may be taken a more polemical position for an audience disinterested in that. Make sure these are purposeful decisions.

On the level of lower-order concerns, control over mechanics is inconsistently applied across the pages (e.g., the sentence "Years pass before..." is missing all internal punctuation). Make sure to proofread to ensure clarity and direct communication with your reader."

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