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HTMLFONT SIZE3 PTSIZE10Clearly alcohol was in charge and had been for years It led the way by making our decisions and settling all of our critical issues I she or we didnt -- but alcohol did Specifically my partners addiction to alcohol was the most important force in our family She drank every evening for at least two or three hours Our child and I became addicted to her use of alcohol and all of us served to keep the alcohol flowing If we did not manage this each evening then we argued fought and verbally abused each other BR BR Hearing others stories helped me break the rule about not trusting I had disconnected from my feelings so much that I didnt know if I could trust what I saw or heard When I was a child I heard Your father is just tired honey I also heard I never said that You must have imagined it Everything was so confusing that I became unsure of myself Thank God that so many Al-Anon members validated my feelings They helped me learn how to trust myself again as well as other people BR BR The hardest rule for me to break was the one that told me not to feel anything It was also the most healing rule that I ever broke I buried so much hurt shame anger and betrayal for so many years that I became a robot I couldnt cry laugh or feel any joy or pain before I came into this program I felt numb BR BR It was by breaking my familys rules about talking and trusting that I finally found the courage to break the rule about feeling In Al-Anon I heard things such as Feelings are neither right nor wrong--they just are I also heard You have to feel to heal So I began to let my feelings rise to the surface and finally come out a bit
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