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Prioritizing the Reconstruction of the Maiden's Tower in Baku, Azerbaijan

This essay discusses the history of the Maiden's Tower in Baku, Azerbaijan. The student emphasizes that it should be restored to boost tourism and national pride.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"The story of the Maiden's Tower is an interesting one and does a lot to illustrate your point that its restoration should be a priority. However, it is difficult to nail down the focus of your essay. Your introduction takes on a conversational tone that muddles focus and clarity. Try to avoid too many contradictory statements ("but," "actually," "of course") and make sure you are building to a single, solid thesis statement.

You stress the importance of restoring historical buildings, and this could serve as your thesis statement. However, you should specifically mention the Maiden's Tower as your objective, not all historic monuments. Your conclusion jumps around in a similar way to your introduction. Do you have a call to action? A general conclusion? As written, it feels like an off-the-cuff discussion without direction. Think about what you would tell your audience about the tower in one sentence. Use that sentence as your message and focus your paper on delivering that message."

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