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Bridget's feedback:
"I appreciate the reminder your essay provides regarding gratitude and mindfulness. The list of examples on page 2 helps underscore the action-oriented purpose of the writing. As you note, observance is based on a memory enshrined first by states and then by the federal government, so what do you mean by, toward the end of page 1, "the traditional meaning"? I recommend explicitly defining this once more before you move into the list; this will help reinforce the thesis and also help clarify a point that seems to rely overmuch on reader agreement or familiarity at a critical point in the discussion. Even if your project doesn't seek to engage at this level, a single word or phrase to clarify (e.g., note how a revision like "the traditional meaning of friendship" versus "the traditional meaning related to the harvest" are appropriate to information given in your essay but also emphasize different elements) will help ensure the narrative is totally controlled throughout the essay.
Other tasks will include incorporating any relevant sources, either as in-text citations or a works consulted/further reading list, to establish ethos and assert the credibility of your information; check your style guide for what is most appropriate. Proofreading will also be necessary before any final submission. You write clearly and with good control over the mechanics. I notice, however, some small errors ("thanksgiving," para. 4) that should be cleaned up."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Make thanksgiving more meaningful by understanding its history and reaching out to others. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/make-thanksgiving-more-meaningful-by-understanding-its-history-and-reaching-out-to-others-0bfLoUSE
In-text citation:
("Make Thanksgiving More Meaningful by Understanding Its History and Reaching Out to Others.")
Works Cited entry:
"Make Thanksgiving More Meaningful by Understanding Its History and Reaching Out to Others." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/make-thanksgiving-more-meaningful-by-understanding-its-history-and-reaching-out-to-others-0bfLoUSE
Footnote:
1. "Make Thanksgiving More Meaningful by Understanding Its History and Reaching Out to Others." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/make-thanksgiving-more-meaningful-by-understanding-its-history-and-reaching-out-to-others-0bfLoUSE.
Bibliography entry:
"Make Thanksgiving More Meaningful by Understanding Its History and Reaching Out to Others." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/make-thanksgiving-more-meaningful-by-understanding-its-history-and-reaching-out-to-others-0bfLoUSE.
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