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HTMLFONT SIZE3 PTSIZE10Clearly alcohol was in charge and had been foryears It led the way by making our decisions and settling all of our critical issues Ishe or we didnt -- but alcohol did Specifically my partners addiction to alcoholwas the most important force in our family She drank every evening for at least twoor three hours Our child and I became addicted to her use of alcohol and all of usserved to keep the alcohol flowing If we did not manage this each evening then weargued fought and verbally abused each other BRHearing others stories helped me break the rule about not trusting I had disconnectedfrom my feelings so much that I didnt know if I could trust what I saw or heard When Iwas a child I heard Your father is just tired honey I also heard I never said that Youmust have imagined it Everything was so confusing that I became unsure of myselfThank God that so many Al-Anon members validated my feelings They helped me learnhow to trust myself again as well as other people BRThe hardest rule for me to break was the one that told me not to feel anything It was alsothe most healing rule that I ever broke I buried so much hurt shame anger and betrayalfor so many years that I became a robot I couldnt cry laugh or feel any joy or painbefore I came into this program I felt numb BRIt was by breaking my familys rules about talking and trusting that I finally found thecourage to break the rule about feeling In Al-Anon I heard things such as Feelings areneither right nor wrong--they just are I also heard You have to feel to heal So Ibegan to let my feelings rise to the surface and finally come out a bit No one ran awayfrom me or said Stop that crying No one laughed at me either Al-Anon membersheld out their arms gave me
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