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How Phish and Its Fanbase Created a Space Outside Commercialism

This essay on the rock group Phish traces their career to show how their fanbase, style, and eschewal of commercialism demonstrate the viability of existing beyond the modern music industry.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

band history
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your use of narrative elements, sentence variety to create dynamism, and overall good flow and pacing make this a highly readable essay. The writing mechanics are likewise strong; the lucid style and absence of error ensure a smooth reading experience. Do make sure to integrate your quotations into your text and format titles of albums and newspapers properly.

As I read, I spotted a few moments that help develop the more argumentative or thesis-driven aspects of the paper. I urge you to explore those moments a little further for a more sophisticated essay that can speak beyond the plot beats, as it were, of the group's career. The first is in your opening -- though you leave the task up to the reader, consider checking back in regarding "the distinction" in the conclusion, as the body affirms similarities once. Is the distinction in the group's existence beyond commercialism, as stated in the conclusion? Speaking of the conclusion, the point about music operating beyond commercial confines reads to me as the main idea and thesis of this essay. Can this be teased out even more across the body, or even forecast in the introduction? Finally, the paragraph about fan feedback caught my eye; I'm curious if there are downsides to this dynamic, particularly now that the internet and social media allows even more rapid feedback and demands."

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