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Why People Volunteer for Community Service

This essay on community service and volunteering explores the student's philosophy and personal experience with service. The student starts from the premise that there will always be someone who needs help to argue that both government and private citizens have the power to aid others, whatever their motivation.
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715
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This is off to a good start, and your frank and direct approach creates a connection with the reader through clarity and ethos. The use of detail is sound, bringing depth to the discussion and allowing the reader to envision the various activities or examples easily. I notice some quotations that are not currently cited; the presence of a Works Cited suggests there should be citations in the essay, so make sure to go back and add those in.

Your paragraphs are structured well, with a clear sense of focus and purpose; the order of the paragraphs in the second half of the essay, however, don't feel as efficient or logical as the first half. I suggest introducing "What is community service" (the two last paragraphs) earlier as part of the essay's groundwork. This will also help avoid the effect of the final sentence which, while very clear, reads as abrupt and flatfooted. Working with the paragraph order will ensure flow, both in terms of logic and the writing itself.

You will also want to proofread to catch errors, including recurring misplaced commas in your introduction. For example, rewrite the second sentence (and similar sentences) as follows: "There are hungry people in the world who need someone to feed them." (no comma) or "There are hungry people in the world, and they need someone to feed them." (revision to preserve the comma)."

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