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An Argument in Favor of Animal Testing in Medical Research

In this argumentative essay, a student explains why animal research is necessary to make advancements in health care. The student provides examples of medical breakthroughs that have come from research involving primates.
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969
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Angela's feedback:

"You take a firm stance on the issue and provide many illustrative examples of how animal research has benefitted individuals and society. However, you essay is full of short paragraphs that make your writing choppy. Generally, paragraphs should be between half a page and three-quarters of a page long in academic writing. So, for example, your first two paragraphs could be combined to create a new introductory paragraph that is a decent length. Your essay would also be stronger with a detailed thesis statement that covers the supporting topics you discuss in your body paragraphs. Such a thesis would help the reader better understand the scope of your essay. In terms of writing conventions, the names of diseases and viruses should not be capitalized unless a specific word in the name is a proper noun. In addition, no scare quotes should be used with the word “alternative” since you’re not using the term in a novel way. Phrases such as “are embarked on” should be recast for clarity, and your comma use needs some revision."

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