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Examining California's Failed and Cruel Three-Strikes Law

This argumentative essay opposes California's notorious "Three Strikes, You're Out" sentencing. The student describes the law's tragic implications, notes that it has not reduced crime, and explains how it exacerbates racial disparities.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

california state laws
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your position and passion comes through clearly in this essay against the three-strikes law. The current argumentation is largely pitched toward pathos-based appeals, which may not target the broadest audience possible. Read over your prompt and think about the rhetorical situation that emerges from your instructor's expectations. A related comment is regarding the conversational tone (e.g., top of page 2); this suits the pathos-orientation of the discussion, but it can also read as overly casual or "off" in terms of tone. Again, consider the prompt, purpose, and what your instructor is looking for in making decisions about style, writing, and tone in terms of rhetoric.

I notice you open and close with the claim that the law is unconstitutional. However, this is not explored in the body. A discussion in support of this claim can also balance out the emotional appeals and anecdotes, discussed above, that largely characterize the essay's approach. Help the reader understand what "completely unconstitutional" (last sentence) means, including relevant court cases and legal arguments."

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