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Why the Legal Drinking Age Should Not be Lowered

In this argumentative paper, the student explains their support for keeping the legal drinking age at 21. The student uses traffic data and statistics on college students' alcohol consumption as evidence of the success of the 1984 National Minimum Drinking Age Act.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bridget's feedback:

"You're off to a good start: you've outlined the broad contours of the essay, and you've started to populate the structure and paragraphs with claims, arguments, and evidence. As you move forward, you'll want to remove the outline headings (e.g., "Position") and build out the introduction and transitions, and work a bit further with signposting, to create a cohesive, whole product.

I encourage you to incorporate more sources and details in the rebuttal section, which largely rests on opinion or broad generalization. For example, what differences between American and European cultures invalidate comparison? I also suggest following up on your opening claim that responsibility comes with age; because it appears in the thesis, address this directly. I see some discussion of responsibility as specifically defined by drinking (or abstaining), which becomes somewhat circular; can you expand this, perhaps with studies about brain development or other behaviors?"

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