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How Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart Shows that Freedom is an Illusion

This essay ruminates on whether freedom is really accessible in today's world. The student uses Things Fall Apart and the examples of the institutions of prison and the military to argue that freedom is often an illusion that cannot stand up to the realities of the law and society's expectations.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This draft will serve as a good springboard for the next step of the writing process. You are at the point where, with your ideas down on the page and organized into paragraphs, you can focus on clarifying and refining the way information is delivered and how it all flows toward the central thesis. I would like to add a quick reminder to make sure your approach to the topic is appropriate to the prompt -- if this essay is meant to analyze Achebe's text, you may want to reorient the discussion; if this essay is about freedom, the balance looks good.

Each of your paragraphs is internally consistent, but I do notice some instances of meandering discussion, particularly in the introduction. Think about ways to streamline the discussion and the sentences for a more efficient and controlled presentation. One aspect of this will be trimming related but ultimately irrelevant points that open up a new direction that the essay isn't set up to accommodate (e.g., reference to total freedom in the conclusion).

In terms of lower-order concerns, make sure to proofread and catch typos, especially those that change words (boating/boasting) and throw off the sentence."

Learn more about this feedback