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Word Count: 1,105
Step One We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable The 1st step is the big step It is the step I as an addict had to come to understand and accept before I could do anything about my drug addiction It is a very hard step to understand and accept addicts dont like to admit to anything that is outside themselves I certainly did not want to admit anything about myself that would even hint that I had any kind of problems with my personal and physical life Just the word powerless is a word that I did not want anything to do with How could I be powerless I had a life poor as it seemed that I thought I owned Admitting I was powerless would mean that everything was a sham I would have to admit that something outside of me was running my life calling the shots making the decisions and controlling my reactions In other words addiction was calling the shots but I could never see that I thought I was in control even if it was a piss poor job of running the show There is no way to manage a life that is under the influence I had to first admit things to myself I had to admit I had problems I had to admit that I wasnt running the show I had to give it a name powerlessness I had to look at me and my behavior and be honest with myself about my behavior and myself I had to have the first personal honesty about myself in a long time probably since my addiction began running the show I had to find some form of open mindedness Some way of looking at my behavior and thinking that said This is fucked I cant do this anymore I also had to find the personal courage
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