In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). How swimming as a sport shaped my approach to life. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-swimming-as-a-sport-shaped-my-approach-to-life-eSbu0MLc
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Bridget's feedback:
"This essay is off to a good start, with clear focus and logical arrangement of the discussion. The writing has great flow, guiding the reader through the essay, and your voice and authorial personality really come through, creating an engaging reading experience. Your next steps should include refining the organization, particularly in terms of paragraphing; while the current paragraphs make sense and are pretty easy to follow, their length makes the text a little overwhelming for your reader. I see a few places where the longer body paragraphs could be split in half to create two related but distinct discussions. Signposting and transitional language can help if you have concerns about breaking up the text.
Finally, I'd like to recommend finetuning the opening. The hook relies on the contrast between leisure and sport, but this doesn't kick in until halfway through the introductory paragraph. Is there a way to bring yourself into the hook a little earlier? This will avoid the impression that the essay will be about swimming as an American pastime; one strategy might be to compress the current first three sentences into a punchy, single sentence to keep things moving."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). How swimming as a sport shaped my approach to life. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-swimming-as-a-sport-shaped-my-approach-to-life-eSbu0MLc
In-text citation:
("How Swimming as a Sport Shaped My Approach to Life.")
Works Cited entry:
"How Swimming as a Sport Shaped My Approach to Life." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-swimming-as-a-sport-shaped-my-approach-to-life-eSbu0MLc
Footnote:
1. "How Swimming as a Sport Shaped My Approach to Life." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-swimming-as-a-sport-shaped-my-approach-to-life-eSbu0MLc.
Bibliography entry:
"How Swimming as a Sport Shaped My Approach to Life." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-swimming-as-a-sport-shaped-my-approach-to-life-eSbu0MLc.
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