In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Looking back as an adult on the freedom of childhood spaces. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/looking-back-as-an-adult-on-the-freedom-of-childhood-spaces-42FE8lHO
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Bridget's feedback:
"You make excellent use of narrative detail and language in this personal essay, and well-chosen sensory details draw the reader into a past world. While creative nonfiction does have some room for subordinating convention to lyricism, I still recommend a round of proofreading and revision to eliminate the occasional awkward word choice or phrasing--indeed, some might even argue that lyricism demands as much, if not more, syntactical rigor.
Overall, this essay hews well to its purpose of exploring nostalgia. I do wonder if you want to use the final paragraph to establish further contrast between "now" and "then" at the personal level. You write "I still go back" and "I am reminded of the times..."; the reader grasps the melancholy in these statements, but may also wonder about the details of the present day. Would one or two more present-day details help emphasize the themes of change, childhood, and lost worlds? When was the last time the narrative "I" picked up a ball or played a pickup game? What new worries have taken the place of toys? Why did the childhood "I" long for a home away from home? What has replaced that in adulthood? These don't all have to be answered explicitly, but are rather some brainstorming questions (try freewriting in response to them) to see if any other final thoughts can be opened up to enhance the pathos of the present day in the conclusion."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Looking back as an adult on the freedom of childhood spaces. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/looking-back-as-an-adult-on-the-freedom-of-childhood-spaces-42FE8lHO
In-text citation:
("Looking Back as an Adult on the Freedom of Childhood Spaces.")
Works Cited entry:
"Looking Back as an Adult on the Freedom of Childhood Spaces." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/looking-back-as-an-adult-on-the-freedom-of-childhood-spaces-42FE8lHO
Footnote:
1. "Looking Back as an Adult on the Freedom of Childhood Spaces." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/looking-back-as-an-adult-on-the-freedom-of-childhood-spaces-42FE8lHO.
Bibliography entry:
"Looking Back as an Adult on the Freedom of Childhood Spaces." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/looking-back-as-an-adult-on-the-freedom-of-childhood-spaces-42FE8lHO.
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