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Brian Van Eman Senior English Satirical Essay 12141999 Alcohol A nectar of the Gods The taste is pure satisfaction It is advertised everywhere and sooner or later you are bound to try it Just the smell of it can cause some lucky alcoholics to begin salivating at the mouth Alcohol can lead to the wonderful world of addiction If you are one of the selected few you could become an alcoholic very quickly Upon becoming an alcoholic your life is bound to fall into place Everyday will be packed with free time Free time to drink all day and do as you please because you have most likely been fired from your job by now If you are still working just keep going in half tanked and hung over The supervisors tend to really love this Alcoholism can possibly make for tight funds So drink cheap beer and get some rich alcoholic friends to support your habit with If you want to experience something totally euphoric try driving under the influence Driving gets much more interesting with blurred vision If the cops catch you drinking and driving they will haul you off to jail and lock you up in a cell for the remainder of the night Its kind of like staying in a motel if you think about it If you have a chance to escape the law put the pedal to the metal because they usually end up confiscating all your stash and a lot of beer money My only tip is drive after each night out because you know what they say practice makes perfect Also if you are a person who likes to change cars frequently drinking and driving provides the perfect opportunity because you bound to hit a telephone pole or two Being an alcoholic is one sure way to get the women and be proud of yourself Girls really get into the staggering and bad breath Girls
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