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Sex and Violence Make Television a Harmful Time-Waster

This essay describes the negative effects that television has on children. The student discusses the length of time spent watching television as well as the effects of violence and questionable portrayals of relationships.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

leisure time
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"You have some strong arguments about the negative effects of technology. Your body paragraphs are organized well, having been split into different topics. However, your essay lacks a clear and separate conclusion.

Some areas of the essay are unclear due to awkward or missing transitions. For example, you mention a study of television habits in the 1950s, then immediately cite a study that seems to be addressing viewing habits today.

You make some broad claims that come across as absolute, particularly about specific effects of television on behavior. While these trends may be observable (and you provide citations for these claims), you may want to be careful about stating these as absolutes.

Your essay seems to focus on children, so make sure your introduction and thesis statement reflect that."

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