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False Impressions of Society and Misinformation Plague Television

This essay argues that television has a negative impact on people's lives. The student states that depictions on television give false expectations about real life and that misinformation is common.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"You have a really interesting hook that starts your paper off well. You have some good ideas, but you make a lot of claims without offering support. This feels like the start of a solid paper that will need some work on focus and organization. While you lean toward making a broad statement about television being an overall negative impact, you don't draw any solid specific conclusions, making your paper read more like a general discussion than a proper essay. Think about what you want to say, specifically, and make sure you build to that claim and reinforce it in your conclusion.

The switch to first-person thoughts about the writing process in the third paragraph is jarring. Consider revising it to be more objective and less personal. Although misinformation is an important topic, the brief mention of it with little context also feels out of place. Consider either expanding or omitting it."

Learn more about this feedback