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The History of Golf: From St. Andrews to Tiger Woods

This essay on the history of golf argues that because nobody really knows who invented it or where, a better project is to take a look at major figures (e.g., Tiger Woods and Arnold Palmer), courses (Pebble Beach, St. Andrews), and tournaments.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"I enjoyed the personable tone you've chosen to guide your reader through the history of golf. In doing so, make sure that you are still employing proper writing mechanics, such as punctuation. Stylistic decisions that disregard mechanics, such as the use of sentence fragments for pacing and conversational flow, should be used carefully and with purpose to avoid becoming informal.

I think zooming in on the language at the stylistic and mechanics levels will address a meandering quality that the essay encounters at the micro- and macro levels. For example, I see a number of opportunities to tighten up the first two paragraphs by streamlining phrasing and rethinking sentence boundaries. Notice that both make use of hooks and attention grabbers--do you need two paragraphs functioning as introduction paragraphs? A productive exercise might see you working those into a single paragraph to see how flow, pacing, and focus is impacted."

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