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Concerns About the Safety and Efficacy of Dietary Supplements

This essay raises doubts about the efficacy and safety of dietary supplements. The student notes that many supplements are not approved by the FDA, have questionable benefits, and may be inferior to natural alternatives.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"There is a lot of important information to consider in this paper. You do a great job of describing the clinical trials you cite and analyzing their methods. However, this paper comes across as heavily biased. The most obvious reason for this is the frequent use of emotionally charged language claiming, for example, that companies lie to their consumers and lay traps for them. This is problematic in an academic essay that should be taking an objective approach to proving a point. This is compounded by the fact that you raise personal doubts about studies that show supplements in a positive light but provide little evidence to back up those doubts. In your discussion about whey protein building muscle mass, you present two conflicting studies but do not demonstrate that either was flawed or reached an incorrect conclusion. You follow up with hypothetical statements (such as the possibility that processing can have detrimental effects on whey protein) without backing them up. This will severely impact your credibility.

While the essay is laid out as an academic study, there are frequent first-person ("I") statements that make it feel more like an opinion piece than a study. The frequent use of conversational language exacerbates this issue.

You raise some important concerns. Structuring your arguments in a more objective way will make them much stronger and maintain credibility."

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