The Use of Annamaboe as a Major Slave-Trading Port in the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade
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"You have a firm grasp on language, and your word choice makes the writing really strong. You also do a great job mixing sentence structures to create variety and maintain the reader's interest. While you present some interesting ideas throughout your paper and cite your sources effectively, I think you could present your information more effectively in terms of organization. Your thesis lacks a "so what?"--it's descriptive rather than particularly analytical. Why does what you're saying matter? Throughout the paper, there are also some issues with cause-and-effect language: for example, you state that "Because most commodities in Africa were essential to the growth of industrialisation in Europe...Europeans used Annamaboe as a major slave-trading port." It's unclear why the need for commodities "such as gold, ivory..." generated the slave trade. Those ideas don't seem linked in the way you suggest. I'd recommend that you go through your paper and make sure that when you suggest causal relationships, those are backed up by facts/citations. I also think that you could dive more deeply into the long-term effects of slavery in Africa, the United States, and other places (a LOT of slaves were sold in Central America). Be careful of sounding dismissive--slavery was not a minor crisis, so using language like "just" or "apparently" could imply that you aren't respectful of the trauma leveled against a huge group of people, which I'm sure is not your intention! It's a sensitive topic, so be careful how you address it! Also, make sure you proofread for consistency--for example, you spelled "industrialization/sation" differently in two places. Make sure to go through your citations referring to the Purdue OWL site for APA References before you turn your essay in as well. Best of luck with your paper!"
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