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Why Capital Punishment Works

In this persuasive essay on capital punishment, the student argues that certain crimes, like murder and treason, can only be responded to with the death sentence.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

death sentence, effective punishment
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your paragraphs are logically structured and focused, and your discussion moves clearly from one point to the next. Solid use of signposting, transitional language, and overall good control of the flow guide the reader smoothly along. The writing itself is clear and with a thorough proofread will be in a good place in terms of mechanics. Make sure to revise the moments when you present quotations: embed them more smoothly into your own text, introduce using signal phrases if that will underscore the credibility of the claim, and tidy up the punctuation at the end.

As an essay with an audience in agreement with your stance--which is consistent and clear throughout the essay--this is likely an effective presentation. Your rhetorical choices, however, will probably fail to connect with moderate audiences or audiences on the fence, not to mention those in disagreement with your thesis. Whether this is a problem depends on your prompt and purpose, but it may behoove you to aim for the moderates as well. Some decisions to make will include how much to rely on pathos (the current draft prioritizes pathos, showing its hand in the final, rather off-piste sentence that implicitly lauds torture) and how to frame the counter-arguments (para. 2), which are currently presented but not robustly addressed."

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