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Loss Prevention: How to Stop Shrinkage in Retail

In this essay, the student introduces the reader to shrinkage and loss prevention, including responses to internal (employee) theft, external theft (i.e., shoplifting), and administrative errors. The student overviews common scenarios and motivations to help pinpoint best practices, such as fostering employee satisfaction to avoid internal theft.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This essay is off to a good start. As your reader, I appreciated the clear definitions and outlining of purpose. I notice the essay ends abruptly with recommendations to prevent external theft, so do make sure to cover the signposted topic of administrative errors and then wrap up the discussion with a conclusion: this helps ease the reader out of the argumentation and cements the main takeaways in their mind.

Your writing has a good sense of flow and takes advantage of objective and formal diction. I spotted a number of moments where passive voice or similar (the use of "one" as a pronoun) created barriers to more direct or assertive statements. To demonstrate one example, we could revise the second-to-last sentence of the introduction as follows: "This essay will show just how the use of..." This is more assertive, directly telling the reader the task of the essay. Try exploring similar formulations to create other more active and efficient phrasings."

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