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Why Westcliff University Will Help Me Become an Entrepreneur

This college application essay focuses on the student's passion for entrepreneurship and how a marketing degree from Westcliff University will help the student pursue that path. The essay also details some of the student's qualifications and personal characteristics.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Crystal's feedback:

"Your general focus on entrepreneurship and the school is pretty clear, and I like the focus on defining moments that made you want to pursue entrepreneurship. However, the marketing major is the only time marketing is mentioned, so it’s awkward and underdeveloped in terms of connecting entrepreneurship and marketing. You might also consider focusing on just one moment, making the opening hook more narrative (i.e., drop the reader into the action of that moment), and showing your demonstrated interest with details that are unique to Westcliff. Also, it’s ideal to avoid focusing on a negative (that you're a procrastinator); you could instead focus on how you thrive under pressure and adapt easily (i.e., make adjustments) and how those things will help you succeed. Finally, make sure to pay attention to sentence structures (e.g., run-on sentences, sentence fragments), tenses (especially maintaining past tense), consistent paragraph indents, and (avoiding) over-generalized/vague statements (e.g., “many people told me”)."

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