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A Brief History of Women's Rights in Canada

In this brief, unfinished essay, a student describes controversies related to women's rights in Canada. The student focuses on historical milestones in women's history and argues that wage gaps and job opportunities also tie into the ongoing controversy.
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This essay received a D by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a D by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Erin's feedback:

"You're off to a good start in this piece, which clearly isn't finished yet. The first recommendation I have to improve is to narrow your focus a bit in your thesis: women's rights is a big, broad topic! For instance, if you're focusing on the controversy of women's rights in Canadian society, that narrows your focus somewhat. When you write your body paragraphs, stay focused on the controversy: that is, stick to the key points that support your argument that this is a controversial issue, rather than trying to pack all of Canadian women's history into one paragraph. Then do the same for the wage gap, job opportunities, and so on. When you're finished, I'd recommend carefully proofreading your essay for formatting issues, grammar and punctuation errors, and sentence structure missteps to really polish your ideas."

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