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A Comparison of the Roman Empire and the Han Empire

In this analytical essay, a student compares the development of the Roman and Han Empires during the classical period using a set of seven documents. The student argues that although both empires invested in the development of new technology, they did so for different reasons.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You have created a compelling argument based on the documents you were given to analyze. None of your reasoning seems strained or far-fetched. However, note that you could put together a more integrated discussion if instead of having one body paragraph on each empire you created body paragraphs that were themed around different types of technological developments. For example, you could have a paragraph on buildings where you discuss the motivations for the Great Wall of China, the Colosseum, and Hadrian's Wall. This would also help in breaking down your lengthy paragraph on the Han Empire. Aside from that, in terms of writing conventions, items such as your inconsistent capitalization of terms should be addressed."

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