A Dangerous Decline: Why We Need to Save the Birds

Iva's feedback:

"You are off to a good start on what has the potential to be a compelling essay on the relationship between climate change, human actions, and the declining bird population. To get it to the next level, it is most important that you focus on the organization of your content. Right now, you have one big paragraph that jumps from claim to claim. While all the claims you make are related to your topic and feature some supporting information, they come across as underdeveloped because the supporting information you give usually doesn't answer the majority of the questions your reader might have. Addressing this issue should involve breaking your paragraph up into at least three paragraphs: introduction, body paragraph(s), and conclusion. This may take the following form: place the contextual information (i.e., the attention on climate change, the way birds represent health of an environment) and shape a thesis statement that provides an overview of the resulting environmental issues (i.e., declining bird population, negatively impacted migration. In your body paragraph(s), go into detail about the issues your thesis introduced. Explain why fewer birds is bad for the environment; describe how the food web is disturbed. Finally, as you already began to do, write your conclusion as a call to action. Rephrase your thesis statement to remind your reader of the key ideas you discussed and then connect it to the role of humans within climate change. End with suggestions of how humans could help change the situation and emphasize the importance. Finally, in doing a final edit of your response, make sure to add signal phrases to introduce your quotes rather than just plopping them in refer back to MLA citation guidelines so that your in-text citations follow the proper form based on the information you have available about the source(s) you used."

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