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Word Count: 452
TO ALL THE DRUNK WOMEN 19 CLUES TO CALLING IT A NIGHT YOU KNOW ITS TIME TO GO HOME WHEN 1 You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are 2 Youve just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in theladies room 3 You suddenly decide you want to kick someones ass 4 In your last trip to pee you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago 5 You drop your 300 am burrito on the floor pick it up and carry on eating 6 You start crying 7 There are less than three hours before youre due to start work 8 Youve found a deeper side to the office nerd 9 The man youre flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher 10 The urge to take off articles of clothingstand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming 11 Youve forgotten where you live 12 Youve started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the 60 cigarettes youve smoked because as youve mentioned like 10 times by now you only smoke when you drink 13 You yell at the bartender who you think cheated you by giving you just tonic but thats just because you can no longer taste the gin or vodka 14 You think youre in bed but your pillow feels strangely like pizza 15 You start every conversation with a booming Dont take this the wrong way but 16 You fail to notice that the toilet lids down when you sit on it 17 Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves 18 Youre tired so you just sit on the floor and why not 19 You show your friends that girls can pee standing up if they really want
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