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Word Count: 600
Happy nowHappiness TMWill FergusonCanongate 999 pp320Edwin Vincent de Valu sharp-tongued disaffected junior editor at Panderic Publishers one day picks out an astonishing manuscript from the slush pile a self-help manual that actually works Atrociously written covered in sticky labels of daisies and more than 1000 pages long within months of publication What I Learned On the Mountain by the mysterious Rajee Tupak Soiree replaces every other book in the shops and the world comes to a haltTobacco companies drug cartels fast-food chains arms manufacturers fashion houses detox clinics the stock market itself - all the industries trading in neurosis and greed collapse Edwins wife stops asking if shes fat steals everything he owns and flies off to sleep with Mr Soiree Multinational executives vanish into the country leaving behind the life-realigning message Gone fishin The corner stall starts selling hugsIts a lovely sprightly idea Happiness TM Will Fergusons first novel even reveals some of the self-help solutions that Soiree has invented To become a millionaire in less than a week invest a small sum in short-term T-bills on a convertible blue-chip bond set up a cascade account reinvest the principal and cash out in mid-cycle Then move the capital from East Coast to West Coast as frequently as possible to exploit the three-hour time difference Better sex uses the Li Bok technique a pair of points one among the ribs the other on the inner thigh the result is multiple mutual orgasmsPanderic now wealthier than many medium-sized countries takes out a patent on the word happiness Edwin however belongs to the three per cent who are immune His wife departed his money seized and his mistress mesmerised he joins with his boss Mr Mead the perfect Baby Boomer emblem combining as it did me and need and a louse known as Mr Ethics author of Seven Habits of Highly Ethical People now on the run for tax-dodging and murder and sets out to put the
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