A Modern Immigrant's View on Obtaining the American Dream in the United States
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"Overall, this is a well-written essay. You provided good examples to support your position that immigrants have to work excessively hard and still may not be able to achieve the American Dream. I would suggest that you create of more cohesive and specific introduction. While all of the information you currently have is good, it seems as if it is information better suited for the body of the paper. The introduction should introduce to the reader what they are going to be reading about and define the goal of the paper. There are a number of inconsistencies and errors throughout the body of the essay. There are places where you use "an" instead of "a." You have acronyms that should be spelled out the first time that they are used. You also have a place where you inconsistently spell a name (Selamawi vs. Mawi). Some of your citations are not properly formatted. This is most noticeable with a Hunt citation that does not include a page number despite it following a direct quote. The conclusion lends to some confusion and feels like a disconnect. As written, the introduction makes it feel as if you are going to be talking about and emphasizing all of the challenges immigrants face achieving the American Dream but the conclusion makes it seem like you are highlighting what immigrants are capable of achieving. "
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