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A Personal Narrative About a Friend's Betrayal

This is a personal narrative about a friend's betrayal. The author describes the sense of loss she felt when her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"The feeling of betrayal you experienced comes across well in this paper. Personal stories like this can come with a lot of emotion and entail a lot of details that may be important to your experience. However, it is important to weed out the details that do not contribute to your reader's understanding when setting the story down in narrative form. Think about what events, thoughts, and feelings are most important to understanding the narrative and consider removing those that don't contribute to your reader's understanding of the core situation.

There are several confusing areas. For example, the paragraph that begins with playing soccer jumps around in time and it's difficult to occur when events occurred. There are also some sentences and passages that tend to ramble. Clearing these up will improve the narrative and your reader's understanding."

Learn more about this feedback