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A Personal Narrative About Anxiety Before Singing for a Funeral

In this personal narrative, the student recounts a time when they had to overcome their anxiety to sing at their mother's funeral. The essay creates a brief snapshot of the anxiety that builds before the performance.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"You create a palpable sense of anxiety and stillness in this piece. Your prompt asks you to create a snapshot, and you do just that, freezing a moment in time for your audience to see.

You format certain words to emphasize them, using bold font, italics, or all capital letters. I would recommend avoiding this as the writing can stand for itself. This type of formatting can come across as a gimmick to stand in for strong writing and may be distracting to your reader. Let your writing stand for itself and your reader will pick up on your meaning and emphasis.

Make sure to keep your verb tense consistent. You shift between present and past tense while describing the same event. You start in the present tense and this really helps to drop your reader into the moment. Consider keeping the whole story in the present tense.

There are several small errors, especially in punctuation and spacing, that should be addressed by a round of proofreading."

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