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A Personal Narrative About Immersing Myself in Japanese Culture

In this personal narrative, the student describes the experience of immersing themself in Japanese culture and explores different facets of that culture that they find interesting.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"Your personal experience with Japanese culture is rich in detail and you communicate your enthusiasm well. However, the organization needs some reworking to keep the reader on track and engaged. The essay jumps between a somewhat chronological narrative, analyses of your interests, and descriptions of skills that have helped you navigate this new culture. Consider a rewrite in which you start with a thesis statement, and then write out one sentence to represent each supporting paragraph. As you expand each paragraph, make sure you stay on topic and that one paragraph clearly transitions into the next."

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