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A Personal Narrative About Unexpected Friendship

This is a personal narrative about a friendship that eventually soured. When the narrator's friend turns on her, it inadvertently leads to a new group of close friends.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"This is a really neat story with a couple of good twists in it and a satisfying conclusion. However, it is very difficult to follow and needs some organization. First, it should be divided into paragraphs to help the reader follow the narrative. Just like a scholarly essay, each paragraph should have its own main idea. Putting together an outline could help you keep the narrative organized. Think about the series of events and the main ideas you want to get across; for instance (I. My parents encouraged friendship, II. Afaf and I were inseparable, III. We started to grow apart). There are several points that are very unclear. For instance, why was seeing one another after time apart so awkward? Consider having the essay read by a peer or proofreader to address the several areas of uncertainty. A proofreader could also help address the grammar mistakes and awkward sentence structure."

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