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A Personal Statement About Human-Computer Interaction

This is a personal statement for a student applying to a master's program for human-computer interaction at Carnegie Mellon University. The student details specific accomplishments throughout their career.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"A personal statement should be neither a CV nor a love letter to your chosen field, but it should have hints of both. Your statement does a great job of outlining your experience and accomplishments. You give solid, measurable examples, and in places, you draw a direct connection between those accomplishments and your personal values. However, it's best to avoid generic-sounding phrases, especially in your intro. Your introduction is your chance to make your statement stand out immediately. Many experts recommend starting your personal statement with an anecdote that illustrates your values. This has the advantage of being interesting to read, providing support for your claim about yourself, and avoiding vague statements about your work ethic or passion that your audience will have heard many times over. It would be a good idea to have your statement edited by a third party to address issues of flow and clarity, to ensure that it is consistently engaging, and to address the few grammatical errors present in the text."

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