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A Personal Statement About My Love of Music

This is a personal statement in which the author describes their love of music and explains why that would make them a good candidate for a specific job.
PAGES
2
WORDS
552
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"Your enthusiasm for music comes across well, and you have some strong statements about why music is so important to you. Since this is intended for a prospective employer, make sure you provide specific information and don't linger too long on personal feelings. For example, in your second paragraph, your description of your love of music is quite lengthy. You also mention music bringing you and your peers together, but you don't mention how that happened. A solid description of those events will have a greater impact than general statements about your feelings on the matter. Also make sure you are spending more time throughout the essay addressing qualities that will directly benefit the company should you be hired."

Learn more about this feedback