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A Short Story About a Violent Attack on a Small Village

This is a short story about a violent event in the narrator's childhood. The story contains elements of fantasy and heroism.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"There is some really good imagery in this story and it is clearly imaginative. It takes a somewhat stream-of-consciousness approach, and that can be distracting and confusing to readers. It would be a good idea to create a chronological outline of the significant events in the story, then make sure each is explained with enough context. There are several points of confusion. Are these tribes of humans, or are these wolves one of the "tribes"? Where did the fire come from? Is the narrator human?

There is also a lot of repetition. Some unnecessary details are included, while other areas lack sufficient explanation. The third paragraph feels like it shifts in time, but it's unclear whether this is the case until the narrator mentions the possibility that the gnawing sound involves their parents. The shifts between past and present tense further compound this.

Consider having a peer read over the story to address any elements that may be unclear. There are also a number of errors involving spelling (site vs sight, for example), capitalization, and sentence structure that should be addressed."

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